Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
