What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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