Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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