i just google imaged poop.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
