You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
