you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
