MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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