Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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