omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Oh god it's open bar.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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