dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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