Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
