after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
