ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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