the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
