Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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