Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
