what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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