I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
