I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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