just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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