theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
