..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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