I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
