just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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