Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
