my mouth tastes like poor choices
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
