Whats the glycemic index on semen?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
