Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize