Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
