He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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