I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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