remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
