Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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