I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
