yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
