This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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