Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
