Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
