The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
