Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
