...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
