he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
