I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
