so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize