dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
