if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
