I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
