if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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