he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
