he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
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