I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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