Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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