My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
