I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
