What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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