if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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