Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
