He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
