He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
