Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
