i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
