I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
