dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
