I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think your dad took our porno
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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