I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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