You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
