so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
