I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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