Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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